Friday, September 21, 2012

The first of many....

So I have never blogged before, yet more and more these days I feel the need to journal. Therefore I figured I would keep with the times and do this as my outlet, hence the title of this blog.

I look around at my life and feel sometimes that I am nowhere near where I want to be. I often feel unhappy with my relationship, but other times I am happier than I could ever imagine.

Right now the thing that is bugging me the most would be the regret I have over stopping my education because of my current relationship. However I'm not sure exactly how it all derailed. All I know is that I should be graduating with a Bacehlor's in International Business and a minor in Spanish. Instead I am in Ky, living on the road, and looking up different colleges admissions requirements. My brain realizes that what I want is to go back to school, correct my debt situation, and be self supporting. Yet I cannot seem to break the ties to my current relationship. Perhaps this is because he is my first love? Or the fact that we have been together for 3 years, and I love his family more than my own.

Sometimes, scratch that almost all the time I wish I could rewind and do things over. I'm not saying I regret moving out, or any of the cool experiences I have had on the road, like spending my birthday in 2 cities. I just wish I could have it all. Yet like anything in life there are tradeoffs, if I would have stayed in school, I wouldn't have my relationship. Honestly I would probably have a better one, and I wouldn't be in debt.

Another point of contention is my weight. Like every other woman in America I am unhappy with my weight. However I am considered overweight for my height etc... I am hoping that blogging will become my replacement for stress or depression eating. Besides that I have begun a diet, and so far I am sticking to it pretty well. Although I could do better. As far as weightloss goes I have a goal but I am not pressuring myself with a timeline but I know because of familial health issues weightloss is a must!! I just want to look in the mirror again and be happy. 2 years ago I randomly lost a bunch of weight and got to where I was more happy and confident. Then I gained it all back and more. I haven't the slightest clue as to how I lost the weight the first time. I didn't diet, I didn't work out, I didn't do anything. The only thing I remember is that I took a Hair Nails and Skin vitamin and an Energy Multivitamin. Starting tomorrow I will be doing these things again.

I feel as though I am rambling but this is the only way I see to get these things off my mind. Signing out for now.